


Milestones

by tsunderei



Series: Future!Kagehina [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Aged-Up Character(s), Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future, Living Together, M/M, Post-Canon, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Sexual Content, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 23:56:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15351639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderei/pseuds/tsunderei
Summary: It takes a while before Kageyama can finally say what Hinata always says so easily.Or – five times Kageyama didn’t say “I love you” back and one time he did.





	Milestones

**Author's Note:**

> It’s the good old 5+1 trope (YAY) and I’m writing it for the very first time ever (WOW). After “Boys Running with Wolves”, which was plot-heavy and kind of draining, I just wanted to write something fluffy where things don’t really happen but they do in the bigger picture, if that makes sense. Me, a compulsive angst writer, writing fluff? Unbelievable. Plus it’s domestic fluff and I know you guys love that shit (I do too).
> 
> This is part of my future!Kagehina series but it’s also a standalone so it’s not necessary to read the other parts if you haven’t (although I’d appreciate it very much if you checked them out!). I hope you enjoy!

It’s another milestone, moving in together.

Their Tokyo apartment is relatively small and simple, nothing fancy or expensive but still pretty decent. The location is practical, the neighborhood is safe, and the place is surprisingly roomy even for two people – they’ve got a small balcony, too. Most importantly it’s _theirs_. The apartment reflects where they currently are in their fresh careers; it’s a starting point but not a bottom one.

“We gotta reach the stars on the court before we can afford a luxury apartment!” Hinata always tells him, rather optimistically, arms waving in wide arches in an attempt to describe said apartment. “We just need to win the Olympic gold first!”

Gold or no gold, Kageyama reckons such an apartment is not very likely to happen – ever. But dreaming is allowed and Hinata’s optimism is annoyingly contagious, much like his larger than life personality is, and Kageyama sometimes finds himself lured into adopting these ridiculous future daydreams. Besides, it’s hopeless to try and block Hinata out. The sun always finds a way in through the cracks anyway.

“Stupid idiot,” he mutters in his half sleep, his limbs heavy with early morning drowsiness, his brain still partially stuck in a dream about playing volleyball beneath the stars.

He turns over on his side, vaguely registering that Hinata’s side of the bed is empty before he hears someone rummaging around in the bathroom. Kageyama smiles faintly as he sinks back into the remaining clutches of sleep.

He’s been waking up next to Hinata plenty of times ever since high school, there have been awkwardly cramped sleepovers and tangled limbs at training camps, but after they moved in together waking up has felt different. These days Kageyama always wakes up feeling calm. Even during busy tournaments or on important match days he wakes up calm. It’s not a focused or well-rested kind of calm, nor is it the calm before the storm. It’s the content, happy kind. The kind that stays.

It will take some time getting used to these feel-good mornings but that’s okay. Their relationship was always a gradual one anyway. Growing closer has been a step-by-step approach ever since the beginning, a steady transition from one stage to the next. There was hardly even a proper confession involved, except a short period of confusion (and a little stupidity) before realizing they had feelings for each other different than just rivalry and friendship. Of course, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. They’ve stumbled backwards every now and then, they’ve had to deal with their share of doubt and arguments, but they’ve made up for it by sticking together and taking bold strides forward. They’ve gone from sworn enemies to reluctant partners, from reluctant partners to tentative friends, from tentative friends to best friends, from best friends to boyfriends. And now they’re boyfriends living – and playing volleyball – together. That’s a big step. Kageyama has never been this close to anybody else before and yet it feels like they’re still in the process of growing closer.

“Tobio!”

He’s startled out of his comfortable slumber by Hinata throwing himself on the bed at full speed, creating a bounce in the mattress. He doesn’t even find time to be annoyed before a pair of warm hands grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him with the force of a minor whirlwind. He reluctantly opens one eye to the blurry image of Hinata’s expectant face hovering above him.

“Come on, sleepyhead!” he nags enthusiastically. “Get up, get up!”

“…Why are you in your running clothes? It’s –” Kageyama pauses to squint at the alarm clock and groans, “– it’s not even _six_ yet! And on a Sunday, too! Damnit, you dumbass.”

“So?” Hinata raises an eyebrow at him. “I want to go for a run, obviously.”

“Then go. I don’t care.”

“Liar, you _do_ care,” he pouts and tugs on his arm. “You’re coming with me.”

“ _Why?_ ”

Hinata sits back on his heels and crosses his arms, shooting him a stern look. “Because it’s spring, the weather is amazing, and this is our first proper day off since we moved in here three months ago – _three months_ ago! I’ve been dying to check out the neighborhood, haven’t you?”

“I’m dying right now because you’re bothersome,” Kageyama grumbles into his pillow. “Why can’t we go later? The neighborhood’s still gonna be the same at nine o’clock.”

“But it _won’t_ be the same, that’s the whole point! Now’s the best time to run because it’s the perfect temperature, the perfect amount of people, the perfect time of day. Just think about it, like – the air’s cool and clean! If we stop by a bakery on our way home all the pastries will be freshly baked! And the only people out at this hour are joggers and dog walkers anyway, so maybe we get to pet one!”

“You wanna pet a jogger?” Kageyama teases.

“A _dog_ , you jerk! Oh, and if you want we can even watch the sunrise! It’s perfect!”

“Nah, you’re reaching and you know it. Nine o’clock is perfect because it’s still three hours from now.”

“You’re an idiot,” Hinata groans, exasperated. “You used to be literally incapable of turning down a chance to try and beat me.”

“I’m not turning you down,” Kageyama smirks. “I’m just postponing.”

With that he reaches out and grabs him, pulling him close. Hinata utters a surprised yelp but finds himself enveloped in Kageyama’s arms before he can fight back. He wriggles and protests angrily for a moment but soon gives up, breathing out a huff that doesn’t come across as annoyed as he probably intended. Instead he settles against him and curls up like a cat while muttering something about how much of a fool he is.

Kageyama just smiles and locks him in a tight embrace. He can’t help but look at Hinata as a tiny bundle, even though he’s an adult now. Of course he’s grown since his teens, he’s definitely filled out his body into something more athletic and defined, and maybe he’s not as small as he used to be – but compared to Kageyama he’ll forever be smaller _._ In his eyes he’ll always be a sunlit, energetic, loud bundle of a person who’s _so_ easy to hold, as if he was made to fit in his arms. Kageyama loves that.

“It’s our day off and I wanna sleep in,” he says and rests his cheek on top of Hinata’s head. “And you’ll stay right here with me until I decide it’s time to get up.”

“You’re so mean and stupid,” Hinata mutters into the crook of his neck. “But I still love you, believe it or not.”

Kageyama hesitates for a moment and then settles for a hum and a nod, knowing Hinata is used to him doing that. It’s not that he doesn’t feel the same way. There’s nothing one-sided or insincere about what he feels. He just doesn’t know how to put those words into his mouth, or how to get them out there once he has them ready. Hinata always says it so freely and genuinely, up to several times a day, sometimes snuck into an offhand comment or tacked onto the end of a perfectly mundane sentence.

_I love you, Tobio._

Kageyama is not the same at all. He can’t do that. The syllables only end up twisting awkwardly on his tongue. He can’t explain exactly why this happens but he knows how inarticulate he is most of the time. The last thing he wants is for those meaningful words to come out accidentally sounding like a fake, hollow stutter. Kageyama is a perfectionist, and a neurotic one at that.

He’s made his own personal milestones concerning Hinata over the past few years. He’s gone from using his family name to using his given name, from manhandling him to hugging him, from pushing and shoving to interlacing their fingers, from calling him ‘dumbass’ to… Well, he still calls him ‘dumbass’. And he still races him, and grabs his head, and fights with him – but most of the time he does it fondly. Kageyama keeps doing what he’s always done; he just does it with a gentler touch, a wider smile, an easier laugh.

Nothing, except everything, has changed.

He tightens his grip on Hinata, who has dozed off by now. Kageyama really does love him. He loves him so much it hurts – but he just hasn’t told him yet. That’s one personal milestone he hopes to reach someday.

 

**

 

The summer season has barely started but tan lines have already appeared on Hinata’s body. Kageyama constantly fusses over him with sunscreen and parasols but no matter what he does Hinata seems destined to always catch a light sunburn first. Only after a few days does his skin take on a faint golden glow, one that makes his tangerine hair pop and that naturally highlights the freckles on his nose. It’s charming as hell and arguably one of Kageyama’s favorite things about summer.

Today has been another long day spent at the beach. A few of their club teammates eventually showed up and the focus immediately shifted from swimming to volleyball. Although it was fun playing, Kageyama is happy to finally be in bed for the night. He sighs, kicks at his blankets, and resigns himself to scrolling through his Instagram feed while waiting for Hinata to finish up in the bathroom. The dull and distant thrum of the city barely cuts through the steady hum of the AC, which is struggling to keep the heat and humidity at bay. Summer has definitely made its way into their bedroom anyway, making the sheets extra heavy.

Kageyama continues to scroll absentmindedly until he all of a sudden recognizes his own face on the screen. He squints, confused. It’s not his post but that’s undoubtedly him in the thumbnail, frozen in a not so gracious pose during their beach volleyball match earlier. Hinata obviously found time to do some filming while it all went down and then uploaded the video on his account. The clip is only a few seconds long but has received a considerable amount of likes and comments already. Kageyama reluctantly presses play, thinking this can’t possibly be very flattering.

“ _There’s Tobio,_ ” Hinata’s tinny voice says, followed by obnoxious laughter when Kageyama slips in the sand, flailing limbs everywhere. “ _Look at him go, oh my god!_ ” There’s a slight pause and then more loud laughter when he bellyflops in another attempt to dig the ball. “ _A gazelle on the court but an elephant on the beach, can you guys believe it? He’s such a loser, I love him._ ”

The video ends there and although his ears are burning hot with embarrassment, Kageyama replays it a couple of times, not so much watching it as he’s just listening to Hinata’s voice. His heart skips a beat at the way he says ‘I love him’. He might be poking fun but still he sounds so affectionate and happy, and even though he’s behind the camera it’s easy to tell he’s grinning from ear to ear.

Kageyama hesitates, for a second considering leaving a nonchalant ‘I love you, too’ in the comments, no emojis or anything, but just imagining it has his stomach in knots. Come to think of it he doesn’t really want to say it for the first time on social media, either, for everyone to see. That’s definitely not his style, it won’t even seem like he’s taking it seriously. He stifles a groan, annoyed with his own anxious self. Why can’t he just say it back? It’s _Hinata_ after all. Someone he truly _does_ love. He’s created a problem out of nothing.

In the end he just taps the heart symbol, types out a quick light-hearted insult, and leaves it at that. His ears are still warm when Hinata finally exits the bathroom.

“Didn’t know you filmed me,” he mutters. “And that you posted it online.”

“Huh? Oh, _that_.” Hinata giggles and climbs into bed with him. “Come on, admit it was funny! I don’t know how many times you ate sand today but you looked like an idiot. Of course I had to film you!”

“Whatever happened to you? You used to be cute.”

“Used to be? So what am I now?”

“A dumbass.”

Hinata snorts a laugh and bumps their shoulders together. “And what else is new? Do better, stupid.”

Kageyama huffs, although he can’t really find it in him to be truly offended. He hates to admit it but being in a romantic relationship with his high school sweetheart has without a doubt made him soft and mellow. He’s been wrapped around Hinata’s little finger pretty much ever since the moment they met. Sometimes it really makes him wonder what will become of him in the distant future, when he’s old and grey. By then he’ll be reduced to an indulgent puddle, probably.

He steals a glance at Hinata, who’s busy checking his social media. He’s wearing one of his old t-shirts from high school, the one with Vabo-chan the volleyball mascot on the front. It’s faded from too many rounds in the washing machine, the print is cracked and flaky, and there are several loose threads along the hem. He really should have thrown it out by now but it’s his favorite shirt to sleep in, and even though it’s a little tight it still fits, impressively enough. Kageyama is too embarrassed to admit how weak it makes him just seeing him wear it.

His heart is filled with a sudden rush of affection, one that’s so strong it nearly forces him to finally spill those words he’s been unable to say. He changes his mind last minute and instead reaches out, tilts Hinata’s face towards him, and covers his lips with a kiss. He first intended just a light peck, a simple goodnight kiss, but it quickly turns into something deeper and long-lasting, even coaxing a small, almost desperate noise from the back of Hinata’s throat. When he finally pulls back a rosy blush is already bleeding through the tan on his freckled nose.

Hinata stares at him, dazed and surprised, lips parted. Then slowly, without breaking eye contact, he grabs Kageyama by the wrist and guides his hand down to his waist, pressing his palm against the bare piece of skin where his shirt has ridden up. He’s incredibly warm, the sun-kissed glow contrasting with the pale strip barely peeking up from the waistband of his shorts.

“Do that again,” he whispers quietly, before adding an even quieter “please”, a word that barely even makes it out of his mouth before Kageyama covers it with a fierce, hungry kiss.

In the past, he never was very observant whenever emotions were involved. He used to be pretty bad at reading tone and nuances and most jokes therefore went straight over his head. On top of that he didn’t always realize how some of the things he said could come off as rude or inconsiderate to others. But Hinata, whose emotions are so big and clear they’re hard to ignore in the first place, taught him how to recognize the clues. Kageyama is much better with people now, at least most of them, but the only one he’s truly in tune with, the one whose wavelength is completely in sync with his own, is Hinata. Being with him and watching him so closely for so long has taught Kageyama many things about him. One of those things is that he’s always straightforward and honest in everything he does and says. He pretty much never lies.

And the Hinata who’s with him right now; the one who impatiently pulls on his clothes, the one who babbles incoherently as he slowly prepares him, the one who’s on his knees responding loudly to his every move – that Hinata definitely isn’t lying, either.

Not that Kageyama could ever doubt this image anyway – Hinata’s hands fisting the sheets, his damp hair curled at the nape of his neck, the beautiful curve of his spine, his stupid t-shirt bunched up under his arms, his trembling thighs, and the red marks on his hips, left there by Kageyama’s hands. The sounds he makes, the way he moves to meet him, the way he reaches down to touch himself, the way he turns to look at him over his shoulder, honey brown eyes gleaming under heavy lids and teeth pulling on his bottom lip. Everything he is and everything he has been reduced to in this moment – how could anyone doubt that?

 _I love you,_ Kageyama thinks, silently repeating the words over and over again in his head until Hinata suddenly parrots that same phrase back to him, as though he somehow read his mind.

“Tobio –” he breathes out, a strained, almost lewd lilt in his voice. “Tobio, I love you…”

Kageyama knows that’s not a lie, either. He leans into him, pressing his chest flush against his back, his hands tightly gripping his waist. He brushes his lips over the shell of Hinata’s ear, breath shallow, and he almost says it back, has his mind actually set on it this time. But in the next moment he comes and everything in his brain is momentarily wiped out, dissolved into a blissful nothing. It doesn’t take long for Hinata to follow him with a loud moan that’s muffled by the pillow, and by the time Kageyama feels somewhat grounded again he has lost his nerve completely. All he can really think of is Hinata’s trembling body underneath him and how much he wants to hold it, so that’s what he does. He wraps his arms around his spent limbs, ignoring the heat and the sticky mess between them, and pulls him close.

Hinata’s rosy cheeks and sated eyes are perfect, his hair a tousled mess, his freckles a small galaxy bridging his button nose and his plump lips. He looks inviting this way and Kageyama supposes he still has time to say something, something about how much he loves those freckles and those lips, how much he loves _him_. But instead he closes his eyes and knows all too well that he’s done for when exhaustion immediately washes over him.

Before Kageyama drifts off he vaguely senses a warm kiss on his forehead and a gently whispered “good night”, but all he manages in response is a content, sleepy sigh.

 

**

 

For the most part, Kageyama’s nightmares have become a thing of the past. He used to have them frequently back in middle school but his sleep pattern gradually changed for the better once he came to Karasuno. Volleyball even turned into something enjoyable, something more than just a sport to master and be best at; it became fun to play again. It matters finding a place to belong, a team to lean on, friends to care for, someone to love. Growing up can be difficult sometimes but finding a source to happiness helps a really long way.

Now he mostly has weird, nonsensical dreams like everybody else, the kind of dreams that are just processing recent thoughts and events. It’s nothing more than the brain’s way of venting. But sometimes Kageyama does have the occasional nightmare, and whenever it happens Hinata tends to be in the center of it. He doesn’t want to worry about it too much because they’re really just harmless dreams, completely free from any kind of violent trauma, but that’s definitely not where he wants him.

Kageyama twists and turns, clueless as to how he’s supposed to deal with the unsettling situation he’s faced with. He’s breathing hard and fast, his limbs moving slower than his surroundings, as though he’s out of sync with the world. He runs and runs and runs, unaware of nothing but the overwhelming anxiety in his chest. A strong sense of dread has taken control of his body, forcing him to believe for an endless terrifying moment that all of this is real.

An invisible hand suddenly appears out of nowhere and clamps down on his shoulder, shaking him vigorously, and he flinches in pure fear, instinctively moving to slap the hand away. It’s not until he hears a voice in his ear that he realizes he’s actually awake and that his nightmare world is slowly morphing into a darkened bedroom.

“Calm down,” the voice whispers, both annoyed and concerned. “It’s just me, you giant idiot.”

Tangled up in the sheets and drenched in a panicky cold sweat, Kageyama whips around to face the familiar voice. He searches the thick darkness until he can make out the blurry silhouette of Hinata’s head, and when he finally adjusts he’s looking back into a pair of wide, worried eyes.

“Hey,” Hinata says comfortingly and smiles, pushing Kageyama’s damp hair out of his face. “You’re okay. You were just having a bad dream but it’s okay now, you’re safe.”

Kageyama exhales in relief, immensely thankful for his solid surroundings and his boyfriend’s presence. He can feel the last remains of dread melt steadily away, leaving only the sweat on his back and a good portion of embarrassment in his gut.

“Sorry for waking you,” he mutters, reaching up to give Hinata’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

“What was it about?”

“Hm?”

“Your dream. Do you remember what it was about?” Hinata hesitates for a second, his fingers continuing to run slowly through Kageyama’s hair. “You, um… you said my name a couple of times.”

Silence fills the room, only accompanied by the pelting autumn rain and its hard raindrops tapping on the window. Kageyama directs his gaze at the narrow rivers trailing down the glass, the surface faintly illuminated by the streetlights.

It’s Hinata who’s the chronically restless sleeper out of the two of them. Kageyama is the exact opposite; he usually sleeps like a log throughout the night. He rarely moves unless forced and he certainly doesn’t talk – but he obviously acts very differently during his nightmares. He has suspected for a while that he sleeptalks when he dreams but Hinata hasn’t mentioned it until now.

“It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it,” he adds hastily, his hand coming to a rest on his shoulder. “It’s up to you, but you know you can trust me. That goes without saying.”

Kageyama doesn’t really want to talk about it, no. It’s embarrassing and unsettling and at the end of the day not a big deal, but he’s inadvertently sparked Hinata’s curiosity. By doing that he’s kind of given him the right to know. Besides, it’s true; he can definitely trust him. There is no better person to confide in than Hinata. As infuriating as he can be sometimes he has never actually crossed the line. Even all the teasing he did in high school wasn’t serious or malicious; he never tried to get a punch in where he knew it would hurt the most. Kageyama vividly remembers how Hinata reacted when his reputation from middle school came back to haunt him, and how he decided to trust him 100% anyway. He never judged him on his past behavior and royal nickname. Kageyama was fifteen years old and had already been abandoned by an entire team, but in that moment he got the one thing he needed the most. He probably fell a little bit in love with him already then. That hasn’t changed.

In the end he sighs quietly and nods. “I dreamed that I was searching,” he says. “For you.”

“Why?” Hinata asks softly.

“Well… We were about to play an important match and you didn’t show up so I went looking for you. At first I thought you were just late but then the others said we weren’t missing any players and that I should stop searching. They didn’t even know who you were. I tried to convince them but they wouldn’t listen, they just said I was crazy. It sounds pretty stupid but right there and then it felt so real and… it scared me. I knew I was about to come home to an empty apartment and that I wouldn’t be able to see you again because… you were never here in the first place.”

Hinata’s hand moves again, slipping further down his arm to cup his elbow. “Is it always the same dream?”

“No… But they tend to revolve around the same thing, with you leaving or disappearing or just –” Kageyama hates to say it so his voice drops into a low whisper, “– just not existing at all.”

Hinata nods thoughtfully and blinks at him through the semi-darkness. Then he wordlessly scoots closer and puts his arms around his shoulders, wrapping him into an embrace. Kageyama lets him do it without any complaints. He holds on to Hinata’s waist, deeply breathing in the citrusy scent of his skin.

“I understand that the nightmares are awful for you,” Hinata says after a while and rests his chin on top of Kageyama’s head. “I also really hate seeing you this way so I’m happy you don’t have them often. But… maybe these dreams aren’t so bad after all.”

Kageyama frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, like, maybe you sometimes dream about the worst case scenarios simply because you’re afraid of losing me? It must mean we’re pretty close, right, for you to dream about me like this for no reason? And that’s a good thing because we know the nightmares aren’t based on anything happening in real life. I mean, I’m definitely still here and I’m never gonna leave you, so… it can’t be that bad. Does that make sense?”

“ _That’s_ what you got out of my stupid nightmares…? Talk about reading too much into things.”

“Hey!” Hinata pipes up indignantly and pinches him in the side. “I’m doing my best to comfort you here! Forgive me for trying to be positive, then!”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just kidding,” Kageyama chuckles, amused. “You’ve got a point.”

Honestly, Hinata came up with more than just a point; he hit the nail on the head. Having it put into words like that makes Kageyama realize how bad these dreams of his actually sound. They make it seem like he’s struggling with all sorts of unresolved doubts and anxieties about their relationship when in reality he’s not. He _is_ happy. The nightmares are just a result of the awkward, anxious way he’s wired, that’s all.

“Shouyou, I…” He pauses and leans his forehead against Hinata’s chest. “It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything, I hope you get that. This relationship is just… it’s really good, you know? I feel lucky. Next to volleyball it’s the best thing that’s happened to me. So I think… I think it’s only natural to be afraid of losing it.”

Hinata goes silent for a long moment. Kageyama only feels the steady rise and fall of his chest, the safe warmth of his arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Finally he begins to laugh, starting quietly somewhere deep in his chest and ending on a bright, bubbly note that hits Kageyama directly in the heart.

“You’re so stupid, Tobio, there’s no helping you,” he says jokingly, an audible smile in his voice. “Seriously, I do get it. I know what you mean and to be honest I feel the same way sometimes. But I promise you I’m not going anywhere. I love you and you know that.”

Kageyama chokes back a sigh. He does know that. He knows he feels the same way and he also knows that this is a perfect opportunity to say those words back. Maybe it would even put a definite end to his nightmares. But as usual, he doesn’t. It’s become a guilty routine for him to keep his mouth shut in response. Instead he ignores his bad conscience and tilts his head up to press a kiss against Hinata’s jawline.

“Go back to sleep,” he murmurs, hoping that the way he snuggles into his embrace is enough to get his feelings across. “We have an early start in the morning.”

 

**

 

It’s no secret that their life together is filled with pointless, petty bickering. It’s been a hallmark of their relationship ever since high school, these regular blunt stabs that might seem unnecessarily mean to outsiders but endearing to their friends. Arguments die as quickly as they occur, like little bursts of fire, and they rarely come out of it hurt or otherwise changed. It’s an art to fight so harmlessly like they do – but that doesn’t mean their stupid bickering never sparks a full-blown argument every once in a while.

They’re standing at the front door after another long day of practice, their fifth in a row, when Hinata slowly starts patting his pockets. He does it hesitantly at first, one pat for each pocket, a puzzled frown on his face. Then he repeats the motion, his expression becoming more and more panicked the more frantically his hands move.

“What are you doing?”

“I…” Hinata swallows, still patting his jacket. “I can’t find my key.”

Kageyama stares at him. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

They take a moment searching all pockets, going over each nook and cranny of their bags, but it soon becomes obvious that the damage has been done. Hinata has managed to lose the key to the front door.

“Oh my god, Tobio, I’m so sorry,” he groans helplessly, upending his bag once more. “I’m positive I had it when we left the venue! Maybe it fell out of my pocket when we ran to catch the train… Ugh, this is so stupid…”

Kageyama closes his eyes and takes a long, deep breath through his nose, trying to stay calm and keep himself from lashing out. He honestly doesn’t want to hear any excuses or apologies right now. It’s been an exhausting day, he wants nothing more than to dive into bed, and knowing he’s stuck out here instead, just a few feet from the bedroom, is aggravating enough.

“Whatever,” he huffs irritably and gets his phone out.

Since it’s late on a weekday their landlord finds about as much joy in receiving Kageyama’s call as Kageyama does in calling him, which is absolutely none. It doesn’t get any better when he grumpily tells him they’ll have to wait another forty-five minutes, and that means forty-five minutes of the two of them loitering suspiciously outside their own home, shivering in the late autumn breeze. Eventually the landlord arrives to unlock for them, which is an additional five minutes of bowing and apologizing for the inconvenience, and several promises that they’ll be replacing the lock at their own expense. That’s just the icing on top of an already awful cake and by the time they’re finally left alone Kageyama has reached a point somewhere beyond tired and irritable.

He drops his bag in the entryway and stomps into the apartment, aimlessly opening the door to the fridge before closing it again, empty-handed.

“Are you mad?” Hinata asks, somehow making it sound more like an accusation than a question.

“I’m not,” Kageyama mutters, knowing how unconvincing he sounds. He turns around to face him. “But you’d benefit from using that head of yours every once in a while. You’re not _that_ stupid.”

A split-second’s glimpse of guilt flashes through Hinata’s expression before it turns into a glare. “I already said I was sorry!” he replies angrily. “How many times do you need to hear it? I can pay for the new lock myself if that’s your problem –”

“That’s not it!” Kageyama bites back. “My _problem_ is that sometimes you’re an idiot when you have no reason to be one! And every single time you drag me along with you! Maybe you should stop and think before you rush recklessly into things, wouldn’t that be an idea?”

“You don’t have to be so mean about it, it was an accident.” Hinata pouts and crosses his arms stubbornly. “Besides, I’m not the only one here with a key! If you don’t trust me hanging on to one then bring your own.”

“You told me I didn’t have to bring mine because _you_ said _you_ would! Of course I’m gonna trust you on that, Shouyou, you’re my boyfriend! What else can I do?”

The frown on Hinata’s face deepens. “Then it’s not a big deal, is it? If the new lock isn’t an issue and if you still trust me then why are you yelling? Like, yeah, this was real stupid of me but I said I’m sorry. Accept the apology or shut up!”

Kageyama opens his mouth to retaliate but changes his mind. To be honest he isn’t sure why he’s yelling. He knows why he started but he fails to see the point in keeping it up. As much as he hates to admit it Hinata is right; this isn’t really that big of a deal. What’s done is done and there’s not much else to do about it, but that doesn’t make him feel any less tired or pissed off.

“You can take the bed,” he says curtly. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“ _Fine,_ ” Hinata snaps. “Have it your way.”

The couch isn’t a very comfortable place to sleep, mostly because Kageyama is way too tall for it. Despite his height he’s normally quite skilled at falling asleep anywhere, no matter how awkward the position, but this time he’s all too aware of the armrest digging into his neck and his leg dangling over the edge. He lies there tossing and turning for a while, listening to the hum of the fridge and the faint _click_ it gives off whenever the thermostat adjusts itself. He tries to make out any other sounds amidst the buzz of the kitchen appliances and the bustling city in the distance, specifically noises from the bedroom, but there’s only silence.

Kageyama replays their argument in his head. It’s not like he was actually truly angry. He was just annoyed and exhausted and that combination tends to bite off a good chunk of his patience. Whenever his temper flares up like this it dies out pretty fast, he doesn’t brood or sulk over something the way he did when he was younger. But his quickly fading temper doesn’t give him an excuse to behave the way he did in the first place. Much in the same way Hinata sometimes runs recklessly into things, Kageyama sometimes says thoughtless words. This time he regrets letting the situation escalate at all. People everywhere lose their house keys all the time. It’s an inconvenience but nothing to get upset about. Worse things have happened.

After another thoughtful second he sighs and gets up from the couch. He won’t get any sleep like this anyway and he feels bad for Hinata. It’s not a good thing ending the day being angry at each other and carrying all that negative energy into the next day. It’s better to apologize now and then start afresh come morning.

Kageyama stretches and yawns as he shuffles towards the bedroom. He reaches the door and nearly jumps out of his skin when someone runs right into him.

“What the –? Shouyou –?”

“Tobio –!” Hinata exhales shakily and stumbles a step back, looking just as startled as Kageyama feels. “God, you scared me –! What – where are you going?”

“I was on my way to the bedroom, obviously.” He hesitates. “I meant to find you and… and apologize.”

“Oh.” Hinata blinks, his surprised expression barely visible in the faint shade of moonlight. “I… um, same here, actually. I couldn’t sleep and I felt guilty, so…” He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “I’m really sorry. This was all my fault in the first place, I was the one who lost the key. I shouldn’t have started arguing about it.”

Kageyama shakes his head. “No, I made things escalate when I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dick.”

Hinata looks at him for a moment before he reaches up on his tiptoes and loops his arms around Kageyama’s neck. Kageyama leans down and puts his arms around him, and when he straightens up again Hinata follows easily. In the end he’s clinging to him like a koala, his legs wrapped tightly around his waist.

“So we’re both sorry, then?” he mutters into his ear. “Can we forget about this now?”

Kageyama grins. “Yeah, I think we’re even.”

He carries a laughing Hinata across the room, sets him down on the bed, and kisses him lightly before he partly shoves him, partly tickles him into lying down. Once under the covers he locks a giggling and squirming Hinata in his arms and kisses him again, feeling relieved.

Deep down he knew they’d eventually clear the air with a mutual sorry – they always do. They care too much about each other to let their pride get the best of them and he’s happy they’re like that. They disagree on things all the time, halfhearted insults happen on the daily, but every time it turns more serious there’s always a degree of worry and insecurity. It’s still unpleasant to deal with and Kageyama dreads the _real_ fights, the heartbreaking ones, the ones that aim straight for the gut. It has only happened to them a couple of times so far but each time was equally devastating. They will most likely have to face something like that again in the future, every relationship has its hurdles and bad days, and he isn’t looking forward to it. At least he can rest assured knowing they won’t break over something so stupid like lost keys. They’re much stronger than that.

“Tobio?” Hinata says his name softly, nothing but a small sigh, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I love you.”

Kageyama hesitates for a moment, biting his lip, before he responds by planting a kiss on the crown of Hinata’s head. He closes his eyes, breathes in the scent of his sunflower and coconut shampoo, convinced he’ll feel even stronger the day he manages to say that back to him.

 

**

 

Kageyama doesn’t really _want_ to spend an entire weekend in Miyagi, but his mother calls some time before Christmas to let him know his grandmother recently fell and broke her ankle. Making a short visit seems like the only appropriate thing to do.

“Your family isn’t that big,” Hinata points out. “And you’re her only grandson, right? Of course you should go.”

“We don’t have any appointments that weekend,” Kageyama says after checking their schedule. “Just come with me.”

Hinata shakes his head. “No way, that would be rude.”

“Why? My grandma loves you.”

“Even so, I can’t just intrude on a sick person like that.” He looks up at him and flashes him a wide, reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about me, okay? Go visit your grandmother, I’m sure she’ll be super happy to see you!”

So Kageyama leaves for Miyagi on Friday evening and stays literally no longer than a weekend, returning Sunday night. On the train ride home it starts snowing and it only gets heavier and denser with each mile closer to Tokyo. Kageyama is impatient to make it back to the apartment but he still takes a moment to admire the sky when he walks out of the station. The snowflakes are illuminated by the neon lights of the city, coming down in droves to blanket the soggy streets. He hopes it’s still snowing in the morning. Hinata is going to keel over with excitement.

It’s well past 2 a.m. when Kageyama can finally lock the door behind him. The apartment is dark except for the light in the entryway, which has been left on for him. He smiles a little at the thoughtful gesture. He grabs a glass of milk, moving as quietly as he can, and hurries into the bathroom to brush his teeth before he tiptoes into the bedroom.

Hinata is peacefully asleep as expected, nothing but a softly snoring bump under the covers. Kageyama doesn’t want to wake him so he leaves the lights off, trying his best to half-blindly feel his way across the room. It’s going well until he puts his arm out and accidentally knocks something over on his nightstand. He curses under his breath, scrambling to keep everything from sliding onto the floor, but the damage has already been done. Hinata shifts, groans, stretches, and finally peers up at him through the semi-darkness, bleary-eyed.

“Tobio…?”

“Yeah,” Kageyama sighs. “Sorry about that. I’m home.”

“Mmmn…welcome back.”

He gives up on the mess on his nightstand and gets into bed, cuddling up close to his boyfriend – and that’s when he notices something’s different about Hinata. He squints at him, confused, and in the end he recognizes two shades of colors and the small outline of a familiar logo.

“Are… you wearing my hoodie…?”

Hinata responds by smiling sheepishly into his pillow. “I missed you and couldn’t resist. It smells like you.”

It’s Kageyama’s go-to hoodie for whenever he’s lounging around at home, nothing special but very comfy, and since it’s a large size and a bit roomy even for _him_ it looks enormous on Hinata. He’s rolled up the sleeves several times and the lower half of his face keeps vanishing into its wide neck. It’s the greatest example of the boyfriend hoodie Kageyama has ever seen and his heart clenches in a way that’s both painful and ecstatic. Hinata truly looks like a bundle this time and it’s damn adorable. If this is what Kageyama gets for being away then maybe he should leave more often.

“It was only for a couple of days, dumbass,” he mutters, relieved that the shadows are hiding the blush on his cheeks. “But I’ve missed you, too.”

“How’s your grandma?”

“She’s fine. It was a clean, small fracture so she can still hobble around. It’ll heal in a couple of months.”

Hinata hums. “Good to hear.”

Kageyama leans in and presses a light kiss against the corner of his mouth, and then has to move back in for another one when Hinata whines and pulls at his t-shirt, not wanting him to stop. They make out for a little while, just exchanging slow, sloppy kisses, their hands wandering lazily. It feels nice, perfect actually, and the only reason they stop is because Hinata yawns so widely his jaw crackles.

“Is it cold out?” he asks, his voice slightly muffled.

“Yeah, it’s snowing.”

“Really? That’s nice.” Hinata huddles closer, looking extra tiny wrapped up in both the borrowed hoodie and Kageyama’s arms. “I’m seriously happy you’re back, y’know. It was lonelier here than I thought it’d be.”

It’s a sincere remark and Kageyama can sympathize. He’d probably feel lonely, too, if it were Hinata who left for a weekend trip to Miyagi. But Kageyama, an only child who’s used to being on his own, is completely different from Hinata who thrives on company and social gatherings. If there’s an event happening he’ll want to go to it, and if he’s faced with unfamiliar people he’ll most likely try to get to know them. No one is as naturally skilled at networking and communicating like Hinata. For someone like him a weekend is a long time to be left alone. Guilty conscience pokes at Kageyama for thinking he should leave more often just for the boyfriend hoodie experience.

“Were no one free to hang out with you?” he asks, thinking about all their friends from high school who are still Tokyo-based, as well as their entire club team. Hinata is close with pretty much all of them.

“Yeah, sure, I met Kenma yesterday – he said to tell you ‘hi’, by the way. I totally forgot to snap you a picture.” Hinata shifts, his hair tickling Kageyama’s chin. “But just because I had company doesn’t mean I stopped missing you, though.”

“You should’ve come with me, then. Miyagi is pretty boring without you anyway.”

Saying that makes Kageyama realize they haven’t actually been separated for very long, ever. Since they moved to Tokyo they’ve practically been inseparable. Of course volleyball is mostly to blame, with the two of them playing for the same premier league club as well as the national team. But it’s not just that. They’re also used to being their own team, only the two of them together, both on and off the court. At one point partnering up for volleyball stopped being a convenience and instead turned into its own emotional thing. It’s definitely not out of convenience that they decided to become a couple. It’s not only because of volleyball that Kageyama loves Hinata. Their past fifteen-year-old selves never would’ve admitted to it, but the truth is they enjoy each other’s company and always kind of have. It’s natural for them to want to be together.

Then again, a tiny bit of separation every once in a while can’t be helped. Kageyama is pretty sure it’s better to miss each other sometimes than suddenly grow tired of the entire relationship altogether. It seems unlikely that would ever happen but living together is definitely not all direct sunshine and rose-tinted glasses all the time. It might be a good thing to get used to being apart.

“Miyagi’s nice,” Hinata sighs and closes his eyes. “I’ll go next time,” he adds drowsily, already drifting back to sleep. “G’night, Tobio. Love you.”

Kageyama feels kind of stupid for thinking about volleyball and sticking together forever and all these nice things when he hasn’t even said ‘I love you’ yet. The more time that passes, the harder it seems. He’s singlehandedly blown this up into a bigger hurdle than it actually is and he knows it. Kageyama sighs quietly into Hinata’s hair. It’s just so typical of him.

“Me, too,” he mumbles, which is the best he can do. He doesn’t bother waiting for a reply because Hinata is already fast asleep.

 

**

 

It’s almost 4 a.m. but there are still a few cheers and shouts drifting up from the street below, the last few intoxicated stragglers leaving various after-parties in the area. Seems like it’s been a long night for everyone and although they’ve just made it back from Kuroo’s New Year’s party, the buzz of voices and music is still stuck in Kageyama’s ears.

He squints at himself in the bathroom mirror and sticks his tongue out to see if it looks as sore and wooly as it feels. He didn’t drink much, he rarely does at events like these, but that’s also the reason why he can immediately tell when there’s even the slightest change in his condition. It was a fun party, though. There were lots of familiar faces, good food, and a great view to the Skytree fireworks, but he’s glad it’s only something that happens once a year. He could never do this every weekend.

Kageyama walks into the bedroom and finds Hinata awake, absently leafing through last month’s volleyball magazine.

“Party’s over,” he points out as he gets into bed. “What’re you doing reading at this hour?”

“I’m trying to make myself sleepy,” Hinata replies, waving the magazine in his hands. “I’m too hyped up, still!”

“Right…” Kageyama raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re a little tipsy, aren’t you?”

“No way! I only had like, two glasses of champagne.”

“Two?” He snorts, amused. “More like four or five. Plus a couple of other drinks, I have no idea what was in those. I just know they were blue.”

Hinata frowns at him, annoyed, a pink dusting coloring his already flushed cheeks. “Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“You’re a lightweight and champagne goes straight to your head. That’s why I’ve been pouring water for you all night, so you’d stay just a dumbass and not a wasted one.”

“I’m _not_ a lightweight!” he protests loudly, his face taking on an even brighter hue of pink. “It’s not like I’m gonna be hungover, I feel fine.”

“Sure you do. Thanks to me.”

Kageyama smirks and turns over on his side, leaving Hinata alone with his sulky pout. It’s always nice to come out of a discussion victorious, no matter how pointless and stupid it is and no matter how tired he feels – because he really is exhausted. He’s only been standing around talking to people but he could just as well have run a mile. He has no idea how all this socializing doesn’t drain Hinata the way it drains him. It’s admirable to say the least.

“It was a really nice way to spend New Year, though, wasn’t it?” Hinata says to his turned-away back. “It was so cool seeing everyone again! It’s seriously been a while.”

Kageyama hums in agreement. A lot of their former classmates and upperclassmen from Karasuno had made it there, which was a great surprise. The first thing Sugawara had done when he spotted them was grin widely and tell them how much Kageyama and Hinata looked ‘as in love as ever’, which was then backed up by several other people. Although embarrassing, Kageyama had been happy to hear it, especially since he wasn’t doing anything in particular to look that way, at least not consciously. The expression on his face tends to fall into the same serious default but it’s good to know it sometimes plays along with his feelings, especially when it comes to Hinata.

Yes, it had been a great party – but he can’t help feeling a bit disjointed when he thinks back on it. He had kissed Hinata at midnight, of course, and it had been a perfect moment, with fireworks and confetti and people cheering. He regrets he didn’t say it right there and then – _I love you_. It would have been the exact right way to start the new year, and also one rare opportunity for him to be a little romantic for once. But now they’re already hours into a brand new January and the moment has long since passed. There’s no doubt he’s terrible at dealing with moments in general.

“Hey, did you fall asleep?”

The sudden question startles Kageyama out of his thoughts. He realizes he’s been lying there ruminating with a big worried frown on his face without even knowing it. Hinata always teases him about it but he’s probably right; he’ll get early wrinkles if he frowns too much.

“Not yet,” he mutters.

He hears Hinata finally put the magazine away and then the brief push and pull of the sheets as he gets under the covers with him. A few moments later he feels him wriggle closer, pressing against his back as he wraps an arm around his waist.

“I’m excited about spending this year with you,” he whispers. “Just like I did last year and the years before that – and all of the years to come in the future. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” he giggles, nuzzling the nape of his neck. “Happy New Year, Tobio. I love you.”

His breath is warm against Kageyama’s skin, his arm tight around his waist, and Kageyama fears his heart might burst with conflicting emotions. He’s so thankful and happy for every aspect of this relationship, he loves his life as it is right now, but Hinata just said it; they’ve been together for so long already and they’ll stay together always. Is he really going to spend all that time preparing for one moment but in the end never telling him how he truly feels? Hinata might not care but _Kageyama_ does. He cares so much and now he’s here, at the very edge of all his feelings for Hinata. It seems he’s always been standing right here, wanting to jump in but chickening out every time. He stares at the opposite wall, knowing that if he doesn’t say it now he probably never will.

“I… would never want to get rid of you, stupid.”

“…Huh?”

“I’m… damnit.” Kageyama pauses, trying to rearrange the words that are already threatening to escape him. “I’m really bad at this, so… I don’t express it very often. I’ve never said it, actually, like ever. I’m aware of that.”

“Tobio –?” He feels Hinata shift behind him, his movements hesitant. He sounds concerned. “What are you talking about?”

Kageyama takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I’m trying to say that I… I love you. I hope you know that and I hope you don’t doubt it or anything, even though I never tell you. But... I love you.”

A long stretch of stunned silence fills the room, lasting long enough for anxiety to set in on top of Kageyama’s racing heart and dry mouth.

“Um…” Hinata utters in the end. “O-okay…?”

His response is so completely different from what he expected that he immediately turns around to look at him.

“What the hell do you mean ‘okay’?” Kageyama snaps, struggling with both indignation and self-consciousness, and he wonders if this was something he was never supposed to say after all. It sounds too stupid and unbelievable coming from him, just like he feared.

“No, I mean –” Hinata shakes his head quickly. “It’s just… It sounded almost like a confession and…” He groans and blushes wildly, hiding his face in his hands. “Oh my god, you idiot…”

“Oi, why are _you_ embarrassed?!” Kageyama grabs his wrist, trying to pry his hands away, feeling more confused than ever. “ _I’m_ the one who’s been nervous about telling you this! Do you even realize how much I’ve been stressing over it lately? It’s literally been _months_ and all you’ve got for me is ‘okay’?”

“I was never waiting for you to say it, though,” Hinata’s muffled voice comes from behind his palms. “I didn’t expect it from you at all. It’s just… it’s not necessary.”

“Not necessary…? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Because you always show me!” He finally looks up at him, his eyes wide and shiny, his cheeks still glowing.

“Huh...?”

“You always show me that you love me,” Hinata repeats. “You do all kinds of things to show you care about me, all the time. Hundreds of things! And it’s not just hugs and kisses but also so many other things I’ve never seen you do for anyone else – like the way you pack an extra couple of shirts for me whenever we have to travel, or the way you share your food, or the way you dream about me, even. Or the way you make sure I drink enough water so I won’t have to spend New Year’s Day hungover! You do so many things, Tobio, I could go on forever!” He waves his arms enthusiastically into the air, as if to illustrate. “So, I mean, yeah – _okay_. You never had to say it, at least not for my sake. Whether you tell me you love me or not isn’t that big of a deal to me. I know you do. I can tell.”

Kageyama is rendered speechless for a moment. He never looked at it that way. He’s only done whatever felt natural, always assuming Hinata thought he was just fussing over him and that he never read anything deeper into it. But he’s right; he’s never felt the need to act like this with anyone else. He props himself up on his elbow, frowning.

“So… you’re basically telling me that even if I never said it once for the rest of my life I could’ve gotten away with it? And you wouldn’t be offended or mad or anything?”

“Sure!” Hinata shrugs lightly. “Of course, the first time I said it and you didn’t say it back I was a bit annoyed, but I know you suck at that kind of thing so I wasn’t surprised. I’ve never doubted your feelings anyway, not ever. It’s because you always show me how much you love me that _I’m_ telling you so often. I’m not gonna let you beat me. But it’s nice to hear it from you, though!” he adds, grinning. “It sounds really good in your voice.”

“Ugh…” Kageyama grimaces and covers his face with his arm. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Why?” Hinata laughs and gives his shoulder a shove. “You can hug and kiss and hold hands with no problems so what are you nervous about? It’s just me.”

“It’s _because_ it is you, dumbass,” Kageyama replies and lets his arm drop. He blinks up at the darkened roof and sighs. “I wish I could say it the way you do but… I’m terrible at that. I don’t want to sound awkward or weird or insincere, like it’s something you’ll end up laughing at or find unbelievable.” He turns to look at him, seeking out those warm honey brown eyes he knows so well. “But I do love you, Shouyou. So much.”

Hinata stares at him, his face lit up by another crimson tint. “I’d laugh at many things but never that,” he says quietly, before he smiles and leans in closer. “But if you want you can always kiss me instead.”

Kageyama grins, buries his hands in the bright mess that is Hinata’s hair, and presses their lips together. Nothing, except everything, has changed.

Maybe it’s not that big of a deal, rushing to check and highlight all these individual milestones as soon as they encounter them. They’re never going to happen in a set order anyway. Some will show up unannounced and take them by surprise, while others will slip under the radar only to make themselves known years later. Kageyama won’t worry about that anymore – the only thing that matters is that the sunshine boy in his arms knows he’s loved and still wants to team up with him in the future, both on and off the court. That’s really all he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so cheesy HAHAHA I mean I’ve never included so many ‘I love you’s in one fic, I’m borderline cringing. And almost a year passes here but literally 90% of this plays out in the bedroom asdshjkh (HONESTLY THOUGH this was my intention from the start, I wanted to restrict most of it to one setting and have fun with that, however seeing it in its finished form is hmmm, it’s something else, it’s very interesting LOL). ANYWAY, I’m kinda pleased with this one so I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on twitter [@tsun_derei](https://twitter.com/tsun_derei)!


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